QUOTES

Instead of hosting a Christmas Open House for my neighbors today, I find myself in bed with a fever and sinuses threatening to explode.

I'm also bored since I can't watch the Rams game as it is being blacked out due to low ticket sales. (excuse me while I laugh at myself for even thinking I was going to watch the game; except that the laughing has set off coughing.)

Where was I? Oh, yes. Anyway, here are some random quotes I've seen lately that have amused me.

"Black is the new President" -- bumper sticker

"Buy stocks like a buzzard." -- Jim Gallagher of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch

"You want to know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon." Jim Gaffigan, no relation to Jim Gallagher.

"Bacon bits? Bits of bacon are like the fairy dust of the food community." Jim Gaffigan. Still not related to Jim Gallagher.

"I'd love to be a pop idol. Of course, my groupies are now between 40 and 50." Kevin Bacon, who keeps a safe distance from Jim Gaffigan.

"Your idol is shattered in the dust to prove that God's dust is greater than your idol." Rabindranath Tagore, who doesn't eat bacon.

"I'm full of dust and guitars", Syd Barrett of Pink Floyd. Who is now dust.

"Some people are like slinkies...not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." on a pink T-shirt.

"Love is the answer, but while you're waiting, sex raises some pretty good questions." Another t-shirt

The ten commandments are not multiple choice" -- bumper sticker

"I don't know much about the Bible myself. I haven't read it. I don't have to 'cause I'm Catholic." Jim Gaffigan after dusting off his Bacon routine.