I have no cable. Zip. Zilch. Nada.
These are the phone conversations I had today with Charter Communications (and what a misnomer THAT is):
Automated Voice: I will need to ask you some questions first so we can quickly solve your problem.
Me: Oh great.
AV: Hmmmm, I didn't quite get that. What is your phone number.
Me: (gives it)
AV: What is your address
Me: (gives it)
AV: For security reasons, I will need the last four digits of your social security number
Me: (gives it)
AV: What is the nature of your problem.
Me: It won't work.
AV: Hmmmm, I didn't quite get that.
Me: (pushes "0")
AV: I understand you want to speak to a representative but this really will go faster if you answer my questions.
Me: (expletive deleted)
AV: Hmmmm, I didn't quite get that. It would be better if you answered with "Yes" or "no".
Me: When did I take the stand to testify?
AV: Hmmmm, I didn't quite get that. In a short sentence, what is the nature of your problem?
Me: How the heck am I supposed to say that with yes or no?
Av: Hmmmm, I didn't quite get that. What is the nature of your problem.
Me: There's no signal.
AV: Let me check that for you. (mysterious beeps and switching noises). We are checking that and will get an answer for you in 12 - 36 hours. Is there anything else I can help you with? Press 1 if you want to sign up for our automated payment, press 2 if you want Charter Cable Phone Service.
Me: (presses 0)
AV: That is an invalid response.
Me: You want an invalid response, I've got your invalid response right here.
AV: Hmmmmm, I didn't quite get that. I will switch you to a representative.
New Automated Voice: All of our representatives are busy taking care of other customers. Please wait and your call will be handled in the order in which it was received. When your representative answers, please ask about the $150.00 you can save a year with Charter Cable Phone service.
*45 minutes later*
Representative: Would you be interested in Charter's automated bill paying service.
Representative: Would you like to save $150.00 a year with Charter's Cable Phone Service?
Rep: How can I help you today?
Me: My cable doesn't work.
Rep: What is your home phone number?
Me: The automated voice lady said she got all of that information to make this process go faster.
Rep: That information gets dropped when the call is transferred.
Me: You've got to be kidding. (gives number)
Rep: (asks all of the other questions the automated voice lady asked)
Me: What is the nature of your problem.
Me: No signal.
Rep: OK, I'm sending a signal to your Moxi box, you will have service in 15 minutes. If not, please call back.
Me: Is there a number I can call that gets through faster than this?
Me: Then how about if I just hang on the line until it starts working.
They were quite amused by that request (not really) and hung up.
Show of hands, how many are NOT surprised that I didn't have a signal after 15 minutes.
So I go through the phone calling process:
AV: I see that you called earlier today. Has your problem been resolved?
Me: Would I be calling if it had?
AV: Hmmm, I didn't quite get that. Are you still experiencing the same problem?
MUCH later, I was again talking to a real person, who told me that they should NOT have told me 15 minutes, it would be more like 45 minutes, and I could call back then if I still didn't have a signal. I said that 45 minutes has passed due to their wait time.
So they said that someone would have to come out. I would get a call in 24 to 48 hours to schedule a time next week when they would come sometime between 8 and 12 or 1 and 5.
For what I pay a month, they should get their little tukas' over here pronto.
So, I cancelled the service. They told me they would be here on the 20th, between 8 and 12 to pick up the box. I said, "You just don't get it, do you?"
They also told me they will disconnect the service as of the 20th.
Still they aren't getting it.
To sum up, Charter Communications SUCKS.
I'm now looking up the number for the satellite people.