Wednesday, January 18, 2006

WEIGHT LOSS IS NOT FOR WIMPS

I did it; I finally put my money where my mouth is about losing weight and joined a certain weight watching organization, which combines the words "weight" and "watchers" in its name. And since money is low in calories and high in fiber, I have actually started losing weight.

Last Friday, I hit my first goal; getting into a pair of jeans a size smaller than what I've been wearing for awhile now. OK, so they were stretch jeans. OK, so I had to lie down on the bed to zip them. They were ON me and they were ZIPPED UP! And we're not going to talk about the muffin top thing going on above the waist band. THE JEANS WERE ON ME AND THE ZIPPER MADE IT TO THE TOP!!

OK?

Oh, yeah, and then there was the breathing factor. But honestly, isn't breathing somewhat highly over rated anyway?

So, I put on a top that disguised the muffin top business and went to work.

Later in the day, I made the mistake of eating something salty, which made me thirsty. You all kind of know where this is going, don't you? Yup. I was in the bathroom, and could not zip the jeans back up. At all. The zipper would get to a certain point, about 2 inches from the top, and it stopped. I tugged and tugged and tugged and tugged. I tried peeing some more. Nothing. And there was no way I was going to lie down on the bathroom floor in an attempt to get them zipped. So I tugged the zipper up as high as it would go, pulled my top down to conceal the rest and dashed back to my office.

I closed the door and laid down on the floor in my office and successfully zipped up the jeans. I laid there, relieved that I got them zipped, and then realized that getting into a standing position in a now too-tight pair of jeans was going to be tricky. That was accomplished, eventually, by latching onto my chair and hauling myself up.

The next two hours at work got uncomfortable as the waist band continued to cut into me deeper and deeper. I had to go to the bathroom again, and put it off as long as I could. I was fearful that I wouldn't be able to get the jeans zipped back up no matter what. But facing an even worse fate of wetting my pants, I finally surrendered and went to the bathroom.

I did the tugging dance in the stall, couldn't get the zipper all the way up, and returned to my office and successfully got the jeans zipped by lying on the floor. All I had to do after that was survive the bus ride home and then GET! THE! JEANS! OFF! ME!!!!

When I got home, I raced into my room, ripped them off, took a very d-e-e-e-p, cleansing breath and then looked at myself in the mirror. There was a very bright red stripe around my waist. Also, I had a rather painful bruise on the first knuckle of my index finger from tugging on the zipper.

Was I disappointed? NO! Why? Because that morning, the jeans were on me and the zipper made it all the way to the top!! If only for awhile.

AND, I am thrilled to report that this morning, I was able to put on that same pair of jeans (and they have been washed and dried since Friday) and the zipper easily slid to its upright and locked position. Since today isn't Casual Friday, I couldn't wear them to work today. I just tried them on to see if there had been any further progress since Friday. HOWEVER, I am wearing a size smaller skirt and it is fitting very comfortably.

So far today, I have not had to lie down on the floor of my office, and I consider that a good thing. And I'm not having any trouble breathing, either.

12 comments:

Sarah O. said...

Way to go, Sly!

My hubby and I have been dieting for 2 months. He lost 8 pounds the first two weeks.

I just lost my first pound!!!!!

I do look forward to reaching your level, the one where you can get your jeans on even lying down.

Eleanor said...

Hooray for you!
I read this earlier while on hold with AT&T (your waiting time will be 7 minutes) but wasn't on a speaker phone so I couldn't be FIRST to post congrats!!!

punky said...

You go, girl!

I thank the stars above that all of my jeans are stretch ... because my ass is filling up with all the crap I've been eating ... I swear some days I eat just like a garbage rat ...

Congratulations, Sly! Keep it up ... you're doing great!

Kafaleni said...

YAY Congrats, hon!!

*looks at own ass*

Why do they call it an ass, do you think? And did they name the animal after the anatomical feature or vice versa?

There's a lot to contemplate.

Slyeyes said...

*contemplates own ass*

There sure is, Kaf.

Leetie said...

mmmm... muffin top jeans....

Usually when I wear those types, I have to leave the top undone simply to ease the reflux that they cause.

But congratulations on getting into them!!!

Peri said...

Do all women do the 'can I put these jeans on?' test? I don't own a scale and the jeans are the gage.

god, the 'muffin top' thing is depressing! And I try NEVER to contemplate my ass.

Sarah O. said...

Hi, Sly!

I emailed you twice but my outgoing email is so bizarre. Sometimes it transmits, sometimes it doesn't, sometimes it says it didn't but it did...

Anyway, leave me another note! :-)

Jeff Meyerson said...

Sly, Jackie says she feels your pain and "been there, done that" and she's hoping to go down one jeans size before we leave Florida.

I guess we'll see.

And congratulations.

Zoodle said...

Good for you Sly! Congrats!

I have a pair of jeans hidden in the back of my closet. I look at them every once in awhile but I'm too scared to try.

Muffin top..hahahahahaha. I've never heard it described that way before but..it's perfect!

Sarah O. said...

sly, it sounds like you had a not-so-great day. Let me know how you're doing!

Sarah O. said...

sly, it sounds like you had a not-so-great day. Let me know how you're doing!